Putting Your Spouse First

Strengthening Marriage
The reasons for a failed marriage come in a variety of flavors: infidelity, arguments over money, stressed relations with in-laws, boredom, jealousy, toilet-paper misdirection, etc. But these are all derivatives of the same root relationship killer: selfishness. If you fear your marriage is in jeopardy, inject some stability into your relationship: put spouse first.

Keeping Your Marriage the Top Priority

The key to strengthening marriage lies in selflessness. Giving just 50% will not make your relationship a loving partnership. 50% works in business, but if you want a successful marriage you have to give 100%. The miracle is, once you take the first step towards a giving relationship, you will usually see your partner reciprocate and give 100% as well. Here are some ideas to help bring back that loving feeling.

Talk to Each Other

Remember how maddening the dating game was because you never really knew what was on your partner's mind or how he really felt? Don't send your spouse back to that whirlpool! Communicate. Relate your hopes, fears, frustrations, victories, and interests and ask for your spouses'. Then, really listen and even do a little plotting to pay attention to those things. Ask about the book he is reading or the video game he's addicted to. Don't let your relationship get static by assuming your partner is interested in the same things he was when you were dating.

Little Things are Actually Big Things

In a loving relationship, paying attention to detail matters. It matters when you listen to the little foibles of your spouse's work day and when you show that you are listening. It matters when you hang your clothes or towel back up instead of leaving it for your spouse to pick up or stew over. Instead of saying, "I love you because you do so much for us," take time to lovingly detail the things you love about your spouse. Leave a simple love note in his lunch or planner, on the bathroom mirror, or taped to the steering wheel. You'll be surprised how these little things can produce big changes. 

Accentuate the Positive

Praise the changes you see in your spouse. Don't wait until he gets it just right to mention progress. For example, if your husband is chronically late getting home from work, don't wait until he's at the dinner table exactly at 5:15 to thank him for his efforts; show appreciation for the incremental steps he takes to get there and he will be encouraged to continue.

Set Goals Together

Goals are not just important for your relationship, but for your future. Goal setting is a great way to communicate to your spouse what is most important for you. It helps clue each other in to ways to reward and encourage as well. If you set goals together, you will have a powerful support partner in becoming who you want to be as well as gaining the marriage you desire.

Spice it Up

Try something new in the bedroom, or just show up! Many of the best conversations and relationship inventories happen after a hot round of sex. Don't withhold your goods until your spouse is doing everything on your list, or you'll get stuck in a vicious cycle that only results in resentment and a loveless marriage.
If your marriage isn't all you want it to be, own that fact and take the first step toward fixing it by seeking ways to give more selflessly to your relationship. Chances are, if you're dissatisfied, your partner is as well and he will be relieved and grateful for your willingness to work together.