North Korea Claims It Has Nuclear Device In U.S.; White House Engages In Bold Diplomacy Effort

The State Department confirmed early Friday morning that North Korea’s young dictator leader Kim Jong-un has issued a stern warning to the U.S. that the Stalinist regime has successfully smuggled a nuclear device onto American soil across its southern border.  This follows North Korea's pledge to mount a “preemptive nuclear strike” against the U.S. “to destroy the strongholds of the aggressors.”  Now the U.S. is engaged in a flurry of diplomatic activity.
North Korea Makes Dire Warning of Smuggled Device
“The rogue state of North Korea has communicated to us claims that it has transported an atomic device to the U.S., but we have no confirmations that this is accurate,” the United States ambassador to the United Nations, Susan E. Rice, told reporters.  Ms. Rice added that even if North Korea has smuggled a device onto U.S. soil she “doubts it will detonate properly if detonation is attempted.”
On Thursday, the Obama Administration minimized North Korea’s threats of a nuclear strike since North Korea is not believed to have developed nuclear devices small enough to mount in a missile warhead.  Now the administration is adjusting its position and planning a major diplomatic outreach effort.

At approximately 6:00 a.m. Sir Dennis Rodman – knighted by Queen Elizabeth at approximately 3:00 a.m. EST – was seen exiting a White House limousine and entering the White House.  He carried with him a multi-colored bag of golf clubs but gave no indication to reporters of the purpose of his visit.
Sec. Napolitano Reports All Clear On Border
Homeland Security Chief Janet Napolitano spoke with reporters Friday morning in Palm Springs, CA while attending a leadership conference of the Women of Intellect Leadership Tribunal (“WILT”) with former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and keynote speaker Sandra Fluke.
Sec. Napolitano confirmed that ICE agents have not seen anything “looking like a nuclear missile” while patrolling the border.  She did confirm rumors, however, that on Wednesday at 9:54 p.m. PST the radiation detector at the Yuma, Arizona border crossing indicated the maximum level of radiation and then ceased operating.  It was dismissed as a mechanical malfunction but technicians are now inspecting the device.

Bold Diplomatic Mission To North Korea
Approximately one hour after Sir Rodman’s visit, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney told reporters at an unscheduled press conference that President Obama had reached “a breakthrough” with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un on “negotiations for a comprehensive North Korean aid package.”  In a move that will rank with former President Nixon’s landmark visit to China, Obama plans to travel to North Korea with Sir Rodman.

Sec. Carney said that Pres. Obama intends to “bond through sport” with the North Korean dictator.  According to Sec. Carney, American golfing star Tiger Woods will join the group to create a “foursome.”  He added that due to a shoulder injury, Pres. Obama will not be able to play golf on the trip.  In an effort to be a “good guest” he will caddy for Kim-Jong-un.  “The president is not above showing due respect to local leaders,” said Sec. Carney.
The Department of Homeland Security urged Americans to report any suspicious objects that could contain an atomic bomb to local law enforcement authorities.