In Showdowns Between Sexes, Male Ego Bruises Easily

When wives or girlfriends succeed, men's self-esteem sags, study contends
Men tend to feel worse about themselves when their wives or girlfriends succeed, with their self-esteem sagging rather than basking in the glory of their partners' accomplishments.

That's the conclusion of a study published online recently in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

A series of social experiments revealed that men's subconscious self-esteem bruises easily when their partner succeeds in a task, even if they're not competing against each other in that task, said study lead author Kate Ratliff.

"It makes sense that a man might feel threatened if his girlfriend outperforms him in something they're doing together, such as trying to lose weight," said Ratliff, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Florida.

"But this research found evidence that men automatically interpret a partner's success as their own failure, even when they're not in direct competition," she added in a news release from the American Psychological Association.

At the same time, a male partner's success had no effect at all on a woman's self-esteem, the researchers found.

"We sort of expected that women would internalize the success of their partner and actually feel better if their partner succeeded, but we found that nothing was going on," Ratliff said. "It could be that women are used to the idea that men are expected to be successful, so when they are it's no big deal."

The study involved 896 people in five experiments conducted in the United States and the Netherlands.

The first experiment included 32 couples at the University of Virginia who took a problem-solving test. Then they were told that their partner scored either in the top or bottom 12 percent of all university students. Participants did not receive information about their own performance.

The news of their partners' success or failure did not affect how participants said they consciously felt about themselves, which the study authors referred to as "explicit self-esteem."

But, tests gauging "implicit self-esteem" -- a person's unconscious and unspoken sense of self -- found that men who believed that their partner had scored in the top 12 percent had significantly lower self-esteem than men who believed their partner had scored in the bottom 12 percent.

"I want to be clear -- this really isn't the case that men are saying, 'I'm so upset my partner did well.' The men aren't acting different toward their partners. It's not like the men are being jerks," Ratliff said. "It's just hurting their sense of self to be in a relationship with someone who has experienced a success."

These findings were replicated in a pair of follow-up studies done in the Netherlands, a country that boasts one of the smallest gender gaps in labor, education and politics. Like American men, Dutch men outwardly said they felt fine, but subconsciously they felt worse about themselves when faced with a wife's or girlfriend's success.

The final two experiments were conducted online and involved 657 people from the United States.

Some were asked to think about different types of success -- for example, their partner's social success as a charming host or their partner's intellectual success at solving math problems. Others were asked to specifically consider a time when their partner succeeded or failed at something at which they themselves had succeeded or failed.

Regardless of whether the achievements were social or intellectual, men subconsciously still felt worse about themselves when their partner succeeded, rather than failed.

However, men's implicit self-esteem took a bigger hit when they thought about a time when their partner had succeeded at something while they had failed.

Ratliff speculated that these results could be tied to men's competitive urges, which previous studies have shown tend to burn much hotter than those of women.

The results also might reflect the gender roles that society reinforces on a daily basis. "We have these ideas that men should be smart and successful, and when it turns out that women are experiencing some kind of success, it violates men's idea of what it should be to be a man or a woman," she said.

Martin Ford, a professor of education at the George Mason University College of Education and Human Development, called the findings "fascinating and somewhat disconcerting."

"Many of us have known men who seem to want to turn everything into a competition, so it is not hard to imagine that this evolved motivational tendency might be rather widespread among males at some level, even if it is not so dramatic and often outside awareness," Ford said. "Yet it is unclear from this study if the inclination to frame social comparison information in terms of 'winners and losers' is unique to one's romantic partner. Would the same tendency apply to male buddies? Or work acquaintances? Or total strangers?

"But perhaps that is the point," he added. "If seeing things in competitive terms is such a powerful motivational orientation for some men that they can't get past that even with a romantic partner, how are they going to sustain relationships based on principles of equity and concern for others' welfare?"

6 Marriage Mistakes Women Make

Avoiding these 6 things may make for a better marriage.

Attention, married women: What you don't know about marriage may spell trouble.

For instance, if you don't speak up for what you want, your husband is flying blind -- and not likely to deliver. And the way you talk about your issues may be making matters worse. And then there's the bedroom.

Getting married is easy. Being married can be trickier. Here is some expert advice to avoid or correct six common mistakes that can cost a marriage, or at the least, weaken its foundations. Whether it's you or your spouse making these mistakes, taking positive action can make a big difference.

1. Being Too Quick to Please

Some wives are too willing to give up on what they want, says Susan Heitler, PhD. She is a Denver-based clinical psychologist and author of Power of Two, a marriage skills-building course.

Heitler calls it "appendage-itis," in which the wife is basically being an accessory to the husband, instead of being a full and equal partner in the marriage.

Some women tend to be "all about him" rather than all about themselves, as men tend to be, Heitler says.

"Usually, they're afraid it could make a fight or some unpleasantness, or they just think somehow, on a subconscious level, in order to preserve the relationship, they have to diminish what they themselves want," she says. The sense of helplessness leads to anger that eventually boils over, she says.

Her solution? Express your concerns rationally, whether about housework or parenting duties, or about not getting enough time with your husband or for yourself. He may like golfing on weekends while she may want him around for family time, for example. "If she spoke up, they might be able to work out a better arrangement," Heitler says. "Maybe they'd switch to a softball league in the summer where it would be a family event.''

2. Not Being Clear About Expectations

Couples that function the best in marriage have made their expectations clear from the outset about division of labor, parenthood, and money, says family and marriage therapist Eli Karam, PhD. He is an assistant professor of couples therapy at the University of Louisville.

But many couples don't have those discussions and are operating on auto-pilot. "Lots of couples operate on what they assume in their head because they grew up that way, that if it works for them, it works for their partners," Karam says.

Resentment can easily build if expectations differ or are dashed on the rocks of hard reality. For example, he says some women "think having a baby will change their husband or bring him closer. What we know about marriage satisfaction is that it takes a massive dip when the first child is born. If they knew that before marriage ... it would help them navigate normal roadblocks and not freak out when it happens."

3. Underestimating the Effect of Tone of Voice

No matter who's speaking, man or woman, tone of voice can be an issue if it's tinged only slightly with negativity.

If you have concerns, Heitler encourages "verbalizing them in a respectful way," rather than speaking in a frustrated, irritated voice. 

By all means, discuss what's bothering you. But do it in a way that searches for solutions and alternatives, rather than venting in a way that puts a peaceful solution further out of reach.

4. Mismatched Communication Styles

If you feel you aren't being heard by your husband, you may want to explore the ways you try to get through to him.

Some women repeat their complaint or a concern a few times in an effort to get their husband's attention. Some men may call that nagging, but it may just be about having different communication styles.

Karam calls it the "demand-withdraw" dynamic: One person wants a conversation, but the other hasn't figured out how to respond or appears to have shut down, so the speaker presses further. "That's a vicious pattern," Karam says. 

If that happens in your relationship a lot, remember to pause to let your spouse absorb what you're saying and have "a chance to validate what they've heard," Karam says.

It might be useful to take a hard look at what is fixed -- personality quirks, for example -- and what can be changed. Citing the work of marriage/couples researcher John Gottman, Karam says nearly 70% of marital problems are "perpetual," meaning that these are issues that drag on. 

The challenge is to recognize what can't be corrected. It helps to "move toward acceptance," Karam says. "You're not going to change a cautious person into a risk-taker or an introvert into an extrovert.''

5. Not Making Sex a Priority

Whether it's fatigue or some other reason, many women don't make enough time for sex. That's a serious mistake, say Heitler and Karam.

"The reality is, what is best for everybody -- for them, their spouse -- is a healthy sex life," says Heitler. "It keeps the family a happy family. And what their kids need more than anything is parents who have a strong, positive bond.''

Karam says women need to build in time -- and by extension, desire -- to make love with their husbands. "They can't just drop everything and have sex with their husband. It's a product of spending alone time together, building anticipation throughout the week," he says.

Feeling sexy is a good way to start, and that means a woman must make herself a priority.

"Generally, if you're a woman, you have to prioritize self-care. If you feel good about yourself, you're probably going to feel sexual," Karam says.

6. Forgetting to Cherish Their Partner

Some women get so focused on kids, work, and home that they forget to make the small gestures that go a  long way to solidifying their marriage.

"In healthy relationships, there are dollops of positivity, very frequently doled out," Heitler says. "They can be smiles, eye contact, hugs or touching, verbal comments like 'I agree with that' or 'good point' or even the word 'yes.' Listening, agreement, appreciation, affection -- those all send out positive energy that envelop both people in sunshine."

Those gestures remind both partners that they like each other, and friendship is at the heart of successful marriages, Karam says. Married people often "operate on out-of-date knowledge of self," he says, leading them away from true appreciation of their partners.

"It's a myth that a good marriage sustains itself," he says. "It's learning yourself, learning your partner. What you are at 24 is not what you are at 34.''

Largest Volcano on Earth Lurks Beneath Pacific Ocean

The world's largest volcano lurks beneath the Pacific Ocean, researchers announced today (Sept. 5) in the journal Nature Geoscience.
Called the Tamu Massif, the enormous mound dwarfs the previous record holder, Hawaii's Mauna Loa, and is only 25 percent smaller than Olympus Mons on Mars, the biggest volcano in Earth's solar system, said William Sager, lead study author and a geologist at the University of Houston.
"We think this is a class of volcano that hasn't been recognized before," Sager said. "The slopes are very shallow. If you were standing on this thing, you would have a difficult time telling which way was downhill."
Tamu is 400 miles (650 kilometers) wide but only about 2.5 miles (4 km) tall. It erupted for a few million years during the early Cretaceous period, about 144 million years ago, and has been extinct since then, the researchers report. [50 Amazing Volcano Facts]
Explaining ocean plateaus
Like other massive volcanoes, Tamu Massif seems to have a central cone that spewed lava down its broad, gentle slopes. The evidence comes from seismic surveys and lava samples painstakingly collected over several years of surveys by research ships. The seismic waves show lava flows dipping away from the summit of the volcano. There appears to be a series of calderas at the summit, similar in shape to the elongated and merged craters atop Mauna Loa, Sager said.
Until now, geologists thought Tamu Massif was simply part of an oceanic plateau called Shatsky Rise in the northwest Pacific Ocean. Oceanic plateaus are massive piles of lava whose origins are still a matter of active scientific debate. Some researchers think plumes of magma from deep in the mantle punch through the crust, flooding the surface with lava. Others suggest pre-existing weaknesses in the crust, such as tectonic-plate boundaries, provide passageways for magma from the mantle, the layer beneath the crust. Shatsky Rise formed atop a triple junction, where three plates pulled apart.

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Tamu Massif on Shatsky Rise in the northwest Pacific Ocean, compared in size to Olympus Mons on Mars …

Tamu Massif's new status as a single volcano could help constrain models of how oceanic plateaus form, Sager said. "For anyone who wants to explain oceanic plateaus, we have new constraints," he told LiveScience. "They have to be able to explain this volcano forming in one spot and deliver this kind of magma supply in a short time."
Sager said other, bigger volcanoes could be awaiting discovery at other oceanic plateaus, such as Ontong Java Plateau, located north of the Solomon Islands in the southwest Pacific Ocean. "Structures that are under the ocean are really hard to study," he said.
Floating volcano
Oceanic plateaus are the biggest piles of lava on Earth. The outpourings have been linked to mass extinctions and climate change. The volume of Tamu Massif alone is about 600,000 cubic miles (2.5 million cubic km). The entire volcano is bigger than the British Isles or New Mexico.
Despite Tamu's huge size, the ship surveys showed little evidence the volcano's top ever poked above the sea. The world's biggest volcano has been hidden because it sits on thin oceanic crust (or lithosphere), which can't support its weight. Its top is about 6,500 feet (1,980 meters) below the ocean surface today.
"In the case of Shatsky Rise, it formed on virtually zero thickness lithosphere, so it's in isostatic balance," Sager said. "It's basically floating all the time, so the bulk of Tamu Massif is down in the mantle. The Hawaiian volcanoes erupted onto thick lithosphere, so it's like they have a raft to hold on to. They get up on top and push it down. And with Olympus Mons, it's like it formed on a two-by-four."
Sager and his colleagues have studied Shatsky Rise for decades, seeking to solve the puzzle of oceanic plateaus. About 20 years ago, they named Tamu Massif after Texas A&M University, Sager's former employer, he said.

Nigerian Fraudster On America's FBI Most Wanted List Arrested

Olaniyi Victor Makinde the internet fraudster, who is top on the wanted list of the United States of America’s Federal Bureau of Investigation, FBI has been arrested in Akure, the Ondo state capital by Nigeria’s anti-graft police, EFCC.
A source in FBI had hinted iReports-ng that Makinde who is also known as Olaniyi Jones and Andrea Bradley was wanted by the San Francisco Division of the FBI. According to the source, the US government viewed the activities of Makinde seriously and as such had to send three FBI agents including a supervisory special agent and two special agents, to Nigeria last quarter to meet with their Nigerian counterparts over the arrest of the fraudster. The fraudster was eventually arrested on September 6 last year.
iReports-ng learnt that the FBI agents were also joined by another official of the US consulate Lagos to obtain statements from Makinde when he was eventually arrested by EFCC operatives ahead of their request for his extradition to the US to face trial with some of his American accomplices in the serial fraud. The Nigerian authorities were said to have reached an agreement with the FBI agents to prosecute Makinde in Nigeria before considering handing him over to the US government. He was said to have been arraigned before a high court judge in Akure on November 26 last year over a $620,225.04 fraud and later remanded at a prison custody in the state capital.
It was however drama galore on Tuesday, January 11, when the 26-year old internet fraudster already in custody at the Olokuta medium prison, Akure , was docked again by EFCC, over a fresh $150,000 scam. The fraudster, Olaniyi Victor Makinde, a fresh graduate of the University of Ado Ekiti , was docked at an Akure High Court presided by Justice A.O Adebusuyi on a 14 count charge bordering on obtaining money by false pretense and stealing. In his first arraignment before Justice Olasehinde Kumuyi of the same Court, nine count charges were preferred against him also bordering on stealing and obtaining money by false pretence. He allegedly obtained a total of $620,225.04 from two Americans: Marilou Sibbaluca and John Massoni in a marriage scam. However, the accused pleaded not guilty to all the charges preferred against him. Trouble started for Makinde when investigations revealed that he had been defrauding several foreigners, especially Americans in marriage scam and related offences, through the internet. He was also accused of masterminding serious hacking practices against an American online pay roll services company, Intuit, in California .
When the latest 14 count charges were read to him, he pleaded not guilty to them. The defence counsel, Mr. A.A. Adetunji, thereafter made an oral application for bail which was successful. The judge granted the accused bail in the sum of N20million with two sureties in like sum who must swear to an affidavit of means of livelihood and with landed property in Akure. He also granted the prosecution’s prayer for the accelerated hearing of the case. The Judge added that during the trial he would not entertain any frivolous application meant to delay the trial and he threatened to revoke the bail granted the accused if there was any delay. He therefore adjourned the case to February 21 -25 for trial. The accused person has not been granted bail on the initial charges preferred against him. Justice Adebusuyi reserved ruling on the bail application till January 18
Makinde finished with second class honours in Economics from UNAD. He started his 419 heist early 2009 while he was still an undergraduate. He and other members of his gang who are now at large went to a dating site on the internet and started chatting with some American ladies and men who fell prey to their 419 scheme. Depending on the sex of his victim, Makinde sometimes presented himself as an American woman looking for a husband and to make assurance doubly sure, he would download a beautiful picture of an American lady from the internet and sent it to the victim as his picture. If the victim is a woman he would do the exact opposite. This way, Makinde had been fleecing his victims until the game was up for him.

'Omosexy': The biggest film star you’ve never heard of

Omotola Jalade Ekeinde, aka 'Omosexy’, is the queen of Nollywood. She’s appeared in more than 300 films, pulls in 150 million viewers for her reality-television show and has been named one of the 100 most influential people in the world. 

  

She scores a zero on the Hollywood Richter scale. She has never starred in a major motion picture. Her most recent film, Last Flight to Abuja, means nothing to devotees of Netflix and LoveFilm.

When she sat next to Steven Spielberg at a Time magazine dinner earlier this year he didn’t know her name. Yet Omotola Jalade Ekeinde was attending that dinner because, like him, she had been honoured in Time’s 2013 list of the 100 Most Influential People in the World.

Alongside Kate Middleton, Michelle Obama and Beyoncé.The star of more than 300 films, Omotola – or “Omosexy”, as she is known to her legions of fans – is bigger across the African diaspora than Halle Berry.

Her reality-television show, Omotola: The Real Me, pulls in more viewers than Oprah’s and Tyra’s at their peak, combined, and she is the first African celebrity ever to amass more than one million Facebook “likes”.

When I meet her for the interview in a photographic studio in south-east London she is still recovering from getting mobbed by her Afro-Caribbean fan base in a nearby Tesco. “They practically had to shut down the store when people recognised me,” she says. “I actually got scared.”

Omotola is one of the biggest stars in Nollywood, the low-budget, high-output Nigerian film industry that churns out more English-language films than Hollywood or Bollywood (1,000-2,000 a year). Some have cinematic releases, but most are for the straight-to-video market.
When I watch her Stella photo-shoot from the sidelines it is immediately apparent that everything about her is BIG. Big body, big hair, big personality, big laugh: she comes across like Oprah’s sister.
She is here with her own film crew, who are recording for a future episode of her television show. Which means there is also a big, superstar delay – three hours – before our interview can start.
Many of her fans think her real name is “Omosexy”, she tells me, laughing, when we finally get to speak, but it was a nickname given to her by her husband, an airline pilot.
“He bought me a car back in 2009, and that was the plate number,” she recalls, speaking with kinetic, girlish excitement, rattling off sentences in fast, extended flurries.

^{Omotola in Last Flight to Abuja}
“All my cars have special plate numbers, like Omotola 1.” When I ask how many cars she has, she laughs again, with embarrassment. “A few.” When she first saw her personalised licence plate she was horrified. “I thought, 'Oh no!’ It sounded cocky.
As if I was telling everybody, 'I’m sexy!’ Y’know-wha-I-mean?” She punctuates her sentences with this phrase, which she reels off as a single word.
The 35-year-old star has been acting since she was 16. Most recently she starred as Suzie, a passenger freshly spurned by her adulterous lover, in an aeroplane disaster movie, Last Flight to Abuja, which was the highest grossing film at the African box office last year.
Her breakthrough role came in 1995, in the Nollywood classic Mortal Inheritance, in which she played a sickle-cell patient fighting for her life. Since then she has established a staggering average of 16 films a year.
I put it to her that she must be the most prolific actress in the world. She laughs and shakes her head. “I am sure there are people who have beaten that record in Nigeria. Trust me.
It is easy to turn around with straight-to-video movies. It is the fashion to shoot until you drop, night and day. You have to remember that we are on very low budgets, so there is no time to wait.”
Nollywood began fewer than 20 years ago on the bustling streets of Lagos. Its pioneers were traders and bootleggers who started out selling copies of Hollywood films before graduating into producing their own titles as an inexpensive way to procure more content for a burgeoning market.
The traders finance the films (the average budget is £15,000-£30,000), then sell copies in bulk to local operators, who distribute them in markets, shops and street-corners for as little as £2 each.

^{Posters for just three of her 300-plus films, including Ties That Bind and Amina}
The financial equation is problematic, with endemic piracy, issues over copyright and a lack of legally binding contracts.
Even so, what started as a ramshackle business is today worth an estimated £320 million a year, and rising. All this in a country that still lacks a reliable electricity supply.
What is the secret of Omotola’s appeal? “I don’t know,” she says, shrugging. “I wish someone would tell me! People can relate to me, I suppose. They feel as if they know me. A lot of my audience has grown up with me.”
At the same time, in a country that is heavily defined by religion and tradition, it helps that she is seen as a stable role model – a God-fearing woman who has been married to the same man for 17 years, and balances her work-life with bringing up four children.
Omotola Jalade Ekeinde was born into a middle-class family of strict Methodists in Lagos. Her father was the manager of the Lagos Country Club, while her mother worked for a local supermarket chain.
She has two younger brothers and was a tomboy, fiercely independent. “I used to scare boys from a very young age. They found me too much, because I knew what I wanted and I’d boss them around. In those days my mother would joke that I would never find a husband.”
As a child she was closest to her father. “He was a different kind of African man,” she recalls.
“He was very enlightened. He always asked me what I wanted, and encouraged me to speak up. He treated me like a boy.” He died in a car accident when Omotola was 12, while she was away at boarding-school.
“I didn’t grieve,” she says. “When I got home people were telling me that my mother had been crying for days, and that, as the eldest, I had to be strong for her and my brothers. I didn’t know what to do, so I just bottled everything up.
It affected me for many years afterwards. I was always very angry.”
Omotola would later play out her repressed grief on camera, using it as an emotional trigger to make herself cry whenever scripts called for it. But this soon created other problems.

^{Omotola and family}
“The director would shout, 'Cut!’ and I’d still be crying,” she recalls. “I could bring the tears, but I could not control them. In the end I had to stop using that technique.”
At the age of 16 Omotola met her future husband, Matthew Ekeinde, then 26, in church. He was so keen on her that the day after their first meeting he showed up at her house unannounced.
“He soon became a friend of the family. He was almost like a father figure,” she says. “He’d drop my brothers at school and stuff.”
Ekeinde proposed when Omotola was 18. Initially, Omotola’s mother thought her daughter too young to marry, and asked Matthew to wait, but he refused. “She was really shocked,” says Omotola.
“She said, 'If you want something badly enough you wait for it,’ but he said, 'If I want something I take it.’ He was very, very bold. It was one of the things I found fascinating about him.”
They had two wedding ceremonies, the second of which took place on a flight from Lagos to Benin. “He’s amazing. If I weren't married to him I couldn’t see myself with anybody else. I’m a handful.”
Ekeinde has become a reluctant poster boy for a new kind of African man.
“A lot of men come up to him and say, 'You’re a real man – I can’t believe how you deal with it all.’ He also gets a lot of invitations from various bodies to speak about how he copes as a modern Nigerian man in a relationship with a powerful working woman.”
Omotola’s ascent to the Nollywood elite began the same year she met Ekeinde. She was modelling at the time. One afternoon she tagged along with a model friend who was attending a film audition.
“She didn’t get the part, and she came out and was very sad,” says Omotola. “Then she said, 'Why don’t you go in and have a go?’
I said 'OK,’ and went in and got the part. My friend wasn’t happy. That was the end of our friendship.”
Omotola has somehow also found the time to release three albums. And then there is her charitable work. “First and foremost I actually consider myself a humanitarian,” she says proudly.

^{At the Time 100 Gala with Steven Spielberg and Daniel Day-Lewis}
She started in 2005, working with the United Nations as a World Food Programme ambassador. She now has her own foundation, the Omotola Youth Empowerment Programme.
“I have a lot of young people writing to me, feeling disillusioned. There’s so much injustice in Africa, and people’s lives being trampled on. The foundation was designed to give voice to these people.”
Her own voice has been greatly enhanced by the success of her reality-television show. It is the first show of its kind in Africa, watched by 150 million people across the continent. “
A lot of women say to me that I am their role model and example. They say, 'If Omotola can do it, I can do it.’ I also get a lot of fan letters from men that say, 'You are the reason I allow my wife to work, or pursue a career,’ because they see that I am married and that I am doing both.”
Omotola is now one of the most powerful people in what’s being called the “new Nollywood”, a fresh chapter for the industry, characterised by better scripts, improved production values and cinema rather than DVD-only releases.
But there are obstacles for the new Nollywood, not least the fact that Nigeria only has seven major cinemas, and that ticket prices are way beyond the reach of most citizens.
Nollywood’s biggest problem by far, however, is that its films – including Omotola’s – are still not very good. Theirs is a fuzzy, low-budget aesthetic in which histrionic acting combines with often ludicrous plot lines.
The films drown in melodrama, and many scenes are unintentionally comic. Production values and the rigours of plot and character development are dispensed with in the mad rush to complete and distribute.
It’s akin to half-cooking food to feed impatient mouths, and the results feel like first drafts. Nevertheless, African audiences don’t seem to care, as long as the films are cheap enough for a downtrodden public desperate for escapism, and they feature their own home-grown stars on screen.
So, what does the future hold for Omotola?
She recently made her American debut, in a television drama, Hit the Floor, opposite the R&B star Akon. Does she see her future as Nollywood or Hollywood?
“I’ll just go with the flow. We [in Nollywood] want to collaborate, we don’t want to leave. We are hoping to be the first film industry that will pull Hollywood in, instead of them pulling us out.”
This may not be such a crazy idea, as Hollywood sees the amounts invested in Nollywood, plus a potential audience of over one billion Africans (155 million in Nigeria alone).
Would she like to work with Spielberg? “Oh, please, let it be!” she says, clasping her hands together hopefully.
“Please! Everything happens for a reason.” I ask her if she took Spielberg’s number at that Time dinner. “Hello? I wouldn’t be African if I didn’t, now would I?”

Climate change threatens Caribbean's water supply

Experts are sounding a new alarm about the effects of climate change for parts of the Caribbean — the depletion of already strained drinking water throughout much of the region.
Rising sea levels could contaminate supplies of fresh water and changing climate patterns could result in less rain to supply reservoirs in the coming decades, scientists and officials warned at a conference in St. Lucia this week.
"Inaction is not an option," said Lystra Fletcher-Paul, Caribbean land and water officer for the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization. "The water resources will not be available."
Some of the possible solutions include limits on development, increased use of desalination plants and better management of existing water supplies, but all face challenges in a region where many governments carry heavy debts and have few new sources of revenue.
Many Caribbean nations rely exclusively on underground water for their needs, a vulnerable source that would be hit hard by climate change effects, said Jason Johnson, vice president of the Caribbean Water and Wastewater Association, a Trinidad-based nonprofit group.
"That's the greatest concern," he said. "Those weather patterns may change, and there may not necessarily be the means for those water supplies to be replenished at the pace that they have historically been replenished."

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In this Aug. 22, 2013 photo, a girl pushes down the lid on her her bucket filled with water she coll …

Parts of the Caribbean have been experiencing an unusually dry spell that emerged last year.
In August 2012, some islands reported extremely dry weather, including Grenada and Anguilla. By July of this year, those conditions had spread to Trinidad, Antigua, St. Vincent and Barbados, the Caribbean Institute for Meteorology & Hydrology says.
"We're seeing changes in weather patterns," said Avril Alexander, Caribbean coordinator for the nonprofit Global Water Partnership. "... When you look at the projected impact of climate change, a lot of the impact is going to be felt through water."
Intense rains have been reported in recent months in some Caribbean areas, but that doesn't mean an increase in fresh water supply, said Bernard Ettinoffe, president of the Caribbean Water and Sewerage Association Inc., a St. Lucia-based group that represents water utilities in the region.
Heavy rains mean there's not enough time for water to soak into the ground as it quickly runs off, he said. In addition, the cost of water treatment increases, and many islands instead shut their systems to prevent contamination.
The island considered most at risk is Barbados, which ranks 21st out of 168 countries in terms of water demand exceeding available surface water supplies, according to a 2012 study by British risk analysis firm Maplecroft. Other Caribbean islands high on the list are Cuba and the Dominican Republic, which ranked 45 and 48, respectively. The study did not provide data on a smattering of eastern Caribbean islands that officials say are among the driest in the region.
"There are a number of indications that the total amount of rainfall in much of the Caribbean would be decreasing by the end of the century," said Cedric Van Meerbeeck, a climatologist with the Caribbean Institute for Meteorology & Hydrology.
Van Meerbeeck said water supplies will continue to decrease if individuals as well as agriculture and tourism, the region's key industries, do not monitor use.
"Climate is maybe not the biggest factor, but it's a drop in an already full bucket of water," he said. "It will have quite dramatic consequences if we keep using water the way we do right now."
Jamaica, Trinidad and Barbados have ordered rationing this year, with Barbados reducing pressure and occasionally cutting off supply to some areas. The island also began to recycle water, with officials collecting treated wastewater to operate airport toilets.
Overuse of wells elsewhere has caused saltwater seepage and a deterioration of potable water underground, leading to the construction of hundreds of desalination plants in the Caribbean.
But the cost of desalination still remains unaffordable for many governments, said John Thompson, director of the Caribbean Desalination Association board.
The biggest challenge overall is changing the mentality of water utility authorities who see their role as solely providing clean water, Johnson said.
"The new reality is that it's a national security issue if your water supplies are diminished," Johnson said. "It becomes a health and safety issue."

7 Things You Should NEVER Say to Your Tween or Teen

Talking with an adolescent can be like walking through a minefield; at any moment, you could be asking what you thought was a simple, sincere question, only to find it triggering an explosive response. You know that communication keeps you connected to your child, but it often seems to backfire because of the type of questions asked.
Research proves our instincts: The number one antidote to risky kid behavior is a strong relationship with a parent. Believe it or not, our kids even like us and want us in their lives! (Really!) A recent Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. survey found that tween girls wish their moms were even more involved in their lives.
The trick is how to stay involved in the right way so we don't inadvertently push them away. Our tween daughters do want to come to us and we can be a sounding board to help them wade through tough issues. Just watch how you pose your questions.
Here are seven things you should avoid asking an adolescent because they are guaranteed to be big turn-offs.Learn how to pose those trickier questions another way so you're more likely to get a better response from your kid (or at least keep her standing in the same room with you).
1. "So, how was your day?"
Trite, generic, remarks like "Did you have fun last night?" and "How was school?" don't go over well with tweens. They see them as "insincere" and "so-o-o predictable."
"Watch -- My Mom is going to ask, 'How was your day?' She always does."
Tweens put those comments at the top of their annoying list. Besides, you'll get nothing more than a "FINE" response from your kid.
Better: "What are your friends saying about Madonna's 13-year-old daughter starting a fashion line?"
Asking open-ended questions that require more than a yes/no response makes it appear that you really do want to listen. If you ask questions about their world and interests, you're getting bonus points. ("Can you tell me how to download music to my iPod?")
PS: Be sure to stop multi-tasking (tweens hate it!) because you won't look like you're really interested.
2. "Why didn't you tell the kid to leave you alone?"
Bullying peaks during the tween years and is escalating and far more vicious. According to Stomp Out Bullying, 1 in 4 tweens are involved in bullying, either as a victim or bully. Tactics include: social exclusion; racial, verbal, sexual or emotional abuse; relational aggression; and electronic bullying (cell phones, websites, pagers or email). Research shows tweens often don't tell their parents that they are being victimized for fear of retaliation and humiliation, or that you'll say, "Tell the kid to leave you alone!" A tween often cannot fend for herself and needs help in figuring out safety options and strategies to defend herself. Bullies do not go away and generally continue to target victims, which can lead to severe emotional ramifications.
Better: "Where did this happen?"
Get specifics so you can help your tween create a safety plan. The question often signals to your tween or teen that you believe her and you're ready to offer advice. Also, bullying usually happens at the same time and place, so ask: "Who was involved?" "Where do you feel least safe?" You can then provide specific advice to help your son or daughter create a safety plan.
3. "What was she wearing?"
Materialism is huge with the tween set and only rising in popularity. Marketers are tailoring their messages to the tween-aged kid. This is also a time when tweens are forming identities and are most impressionable. Tween-aged kids are most likely to believe that their clothes and brands describe who they are and define their peer status and it also impacts their professional goals (75 percent of 8- to 12-year-olds desire to be rich). More U.S. kids than anywhere in the world believe that their clothes and brands describe who they are and define their social status. Preteens with lower self-esteem value possessions significantly more than children with higher self-esteem.
Better: "What do you enjoy about her?"
Halt the comments about clothing and appearance. They can backfire and make your kid feel that's what you care more about. It also keeps your conversation at the surface level. Instead, emphasize those traits that grow from the inside out like talent, loyalty, character, friendship or fun! Let your adolescent know that you value her and her friends as people and not for their appearances or popularity.
4. "Why are you sooooo sensitive?"
Puberty is a period of intense hormonal changes. In fact, more changes are going on in your tween's body than at any other time in their life and those changes are now occurring at younger ages! New research shows that the area of the brain that regulates emotions is still developing in tweens and teens. So, expect those mood swings and extremes. But also expect your tween to be "very touchy" and sensitive. Hint: Don't tease -- they will take it personally. And never tease or discipline your kid in front of a peer. You're guaranteed to get big-time resistance and a turn-off.
Better: "You seem upset. Had a tough day? Need a hug?"
Tune in to your child's emotions. Respect where your child is coming from. Refrain from sarcasm and taunts. Watch your non-verbal cues, such as smirks or raised eyebrows. Teens are overly sensitive to these expressions and may read more into them than you think.
5. "Why did you do that?" (Even worse: "What were you thinking?")
Expect your tween to be a bit impulsive. Neuro-imaging confirms that their pre-frontal cortex is still developing -- the exact place where decision-making and impulse regulations are forming. Tweens may not always know the reasons behind their actions. And that's one reason they may have that blank look when you ask, "Why did you do that?"
Better: "What did you hope would happen? What will you do next time?"
It's best not to use "why" with a tween ("Why did you do that?") Chances are they won't know. Instead, use "what" to get them thinking. Doing so will not stop their "I don't know" response, but it might get them to think before they act. And it might even help them learn what to do the next time. (Such a concept, eh?)
6. "Why didn't you just say no?"
The need to "fit in" is huge and peer pressure can be overwhelming. It's tough to stand up to your peers, but even more so during these years. According to a 2006 Boys and Girls Club of America survey of over 46,000 13- to 18-year-olds, tweens say the worst advice their parents give is to "Just say no!". Tweens say what the want from their parents are actual strategies to counter the pressure.
Better: "It's tough to say no to a friend. Have you tried...?"
Tweens especially say what they need are specific peer pressure techniques. So, offer strategies by brainstorming together during a relaxed time: "Let's think of things you could say the next time your friend pushes you to do something you don't feel comfortable doing. You could make an excuse like: 'I have to get home and do my homework or my parents will ground me,' or give a reason like 'My grandpa was a smoker and died of cancer. I promised him I wouldn't.' What else could you say?
7. "Why don't you just get over it and move on?"
Peer relationships are critical and play a big part in an adolescent's self-esteem. Tweens are discovering the "opposite sex" and have their first "crushes." When there's a friendship tiff or breakup with a "first love," ah, the anguish! Though the anguish may seem juvenile, don't dismiss your kid's hurt and tell her to "get over it." Their hurt is intense and real. It may take a while for them to bounce back, especially during these years when one of their top concerns is "peer humiliation." Not only are tweens concerned about their own pain, but what "all the other kids are saying." And don't dismiss boys! (Says the mom of three). Research shows they often have a tougher time bouncing back than girls.
Better: "I'm so sorry. Want to get an ice cream?"
Show a little empathy! Breakups at this age are crushing. Be available, understanding, supportive and fill your kid's social calendar with something to do (especially on those weekends) if they're left alone. Don't ask "What happened?" or "What went wrong?" and don't push for details. They'll give those when they feel comfortable. Right now, just be there!

7 Surprising Health Conditions That Affect Women More Than Men

There are some diseases and conditions that only affect women, and others that most of us immediately, if not exclusively, associate with them, like breast cancer (although men can get it, too) and eating disorders (same thing).
But there are also a slew of health problems are far less likely to be recognized as issues disproportionately impacting women, which means many struggle to get help and answers -- for months and even years at a time. At the top of that list are autoimmune disorders, which occur when the body's immune system attacks itself, and that are far more common in women than in men. For some autoimmune diseases, such as lupus, 9 out of 10 people affected are women, explained Virginia Ladd, founder and executive director of the American Autoimmune Related Diseases Association.
"Why that is is still not known," she told The Huffington Post. "There is a lot of research looking at the effects of estrogen -- the hormonal effect. But we definitely need much more."
Here are seven health conditions -- autoimmune and otherwise -- that disproportionately affect women.

1. Multiple Sclerosis
Multiple Sclerosis, or MS, is a disease of the central nervous system that affects more than 2.1 people worldwide, the Multiple Sclerosis Society reports. It's also two to three times more common in women than in men.

Many experts classify MS as an autoimmune disease, but because no specific antigen (a protein that stimulates the immune response) has been identified to date, others are hesitant to classify it as such. Most people with MS experience their first symptoms between age 20 and 40, and they run from the gamut from muscle numbness to paralysis and vision loss. Although treatments to help lessen symptoms exist, there is currently no cure.

2. Lupus
Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease in which the body's immune system mistakenly attacks healthy tissues, leading to potential damage of a person's skin, joints and various organs. Symptoms vary widely, although some of the most common are extreme fatigue, headaches, swollen joints or feet, legs, hands and eyes, and hair loss. No one knows what causes lupus, although it is clear that women are at much greater risk: More than 90 percent of the people with lupus are women, according to the Lupus Foundation of America. And because the disease primarily affects young women who go undiagnosed for years, Ladd said, it can have a significant, longterm impact on their health.

"Women may have joint pain and fatigue, but their doctors wouldn't think to send them to a kidney specialist, for example," she said, "By the time they are diagnosed with lupus, they could have very serious and costly kidney problems."

3. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention describes Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as a "devastating and complex disorder," in which people experience overwhelming fatigue that is not improved by bed rest, as well as a host of other symptoms, like muscle pain, memory loss and insomnia. Basic tasks such as dressing or showering or even just thinking can overwhelm people with the disorder. Women are four times more likely to develop Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for reasons that are not yet entirely clear -- it could be that certain hormones or brain chemistry differences contribute.

4. Depression
Experts are pretty clear on the fact that depression is twice as common in women as it is in men (about one in five women develop depression in their lifetimes, according to the Mayo Clinic). But they're less clear on why.

It's likely that there are biological reasons behind the disparity. For example, between menstruation, childbirth and menopause, women generally experience many more hormonal fluctuations throughout their lifetime than men do, which can affect mood. But as Psychology Today explains, there are also psychological explanations for the gap -- women, on the whole, tend to be more "ruminative" than men, which may predispose them to depression; they also tend to live longer and with older age often comes loss and loneliness. Then there's the fact that women are far more likely to talk to a doctor about symptoms of depression, leading to greater rates of diagnosis.

5. Celiac Disease
According to the National Foundation for Celiac Awareness, celiac disease -- a negative immune reaction to eating gluten, which is a protein found in wheat, barley and rye -- occurs more frequently in women than in men: Between 60 and 70 percent of the individuals diagnosed with celiac are women.

When most people think of celiac, they think of gastrointestinal issues, such as weight loss, bloating, severe stomach pain and diarrhea, but some evidence suggests the disease also takes a toll on women's reproductive abilities. Indeed, studies have linked celiac with menstrual disorders and unexplained infertility, although that link has not been definitively established. But given that the average age of diagnosis is 45, according to the Celiac Awareness Foundation, and that it may take up to 10 years to receive a diagnosis, it is possible that the disease damages some women's reproductive systems for years before they get help.

6. Irritable Bowel Syndrome
A common disorder that affects the large intestine, irritable bowel syndrome, or IBS, typically causes cramping, pain, bloating, gas, diarrhea and constipation consistently for at least three months -- and it impacts women more than men. The International Foundation for Functional Gastrointestinal Disorders reports that there are up to 3.5 million annual doctors visits for IBS in the U.S. each year (although many people don't recognize IBS symptoms in themselves and do not seek help), and up to 65 percent of the individuals who report having IBS are women.

The causes are unknown. Because women are more likely than men to have IBS -- and their symptoms are often worse around their periods -- hormones are thought to play a role.

7. Sexually Transmitted Infections
Estimates suggest that roughly 19 million new sexually transmitted infections occur in the U.S. each year, and while they affect both men and women, women have more frequent and more serious health problems from them than men, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office on Women's Health explains. There are any number of reasons for that -- the lining of the vagina is more delicate than the skin on the penis, meaning it's easier for bacteria and viruses to penetrate; women are less likely to have symptoms of diseases like chlamydia and gonorrhea or to write off symptoms as a yeast infection, meaning they often don't get treatment until serious damage has been done. The good news, the CDC reports, is that women are more likely than men to go see their doctors in general, and should be sure to ask for testing while they are there.

Alcohol and women's health

There's a lot that can be said for alcohol. Moderate drinking has been shown to have some pretty significant potential health benefits, most of them cardiovascular in nature. And enjoying a glass of wine or two (again, moderation is key) can be a great way for people to unwind over, say, a leisurely dinner with family or friends.
But as most of us know, there's a much darker side to alcohol consumption. "Throughout the 10,000 or so years that humans have been drinking fermented beverages, they've also been arguing about their merits and demerits," the Harvard School of Public Health says."The debate still simmers today, with a lively back-and-forth over whether alcohol is good for you or bad for you."
It pays for everyone to be as informed as possible about the potential pluses and minuses so that we can bring our best selves to that debate, and make responsible, healthy decisions about what's best for us. And it can be argued that it's particularly important for women to be well-informed, given that alcohol poses specific risks to us. That's why we put together this list of seven things that everyone should know about women and alcohol. Think we left any big ones off? Let us (and your fellow readers) know in the comments below. Cheers, to drinking safely, everyone.

1. More Women Are Binge Drinking
According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates released earlier this year, nearly 14 million women in the U.S. binge drink roughly three times a month. For women, binge drinking is defined as having four or more drinks in a single period, but most women average six drinks per binge.

Women with a household incomes above $75,000 are more likely to binge, as are women age 18 to 34 and in high school. According to the CDC, 1 in 5 teenage girls binge drink, a behavior that poses serious health risks, including unintentional injuries, alcohol poisoning, liver disease and stroke, among others.

2. Women Drink "Less Well" Than Men
Women's bodies tolerate alcohol differently than men's for reasons that are not yet fully understood, Slate explains. It may be that the hormone estrogen interacts with alcohol in a way that increases the risk for liver problems, Slate says, or it could be due to differences in stomach enzymes. Plus, as the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) points out, women's bodies have less water per pound than men's. If a man and woman who weigh the same amount drink the same amount of alcohol, the woman will likely have a higher blood alcohol concentration, because alcohol disperses in water and her body has less.

3. Drinking Becomes Problematic For Women At Lower Levels ...
Largely because women's bodies tolerate alcohol differently than men's, they're more likely to be at risk for alcohol-related problems. Those risks include specific health diseases and conditions, such as liver disease, heart disease and breast cancer, as well as alcohol dependence.

The NIAAA defines the "low-risk" drinking limit as no more than seven drinks per week for women, and no more than three drinks in any one sitting. For men, it's no more than 14 drinks per week, and four drinks in any one day.

4. ... But They Seek Treatment Sooner
As HuffPost's Amanda Chan previously reported, a new study released earlier this summer, which included more than 500 males and females, found that women who abuse alcohol tend to seek out help four to five years earlier than their male counterparts. Why that is, isn't exactly clear at this point, although in a statement, Rosemary Fama (a senior research scientist at Stanford University, who did not work on the study) hypothesized that women may attach less social stigma to drinking roblems than men, and therefore may be more likely to report theirs, according to HealthDay.

5. During Pregnancy, No Amount Has Been Proven Safe
A new book "Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong and What You really Need To Know" has made waves for challenging many of the beliefs women and their doctors have long held, among them, that drinking during pregnancy is strictly off limits. Occasional drinking may not pose any danger, concludes author Emily Oster, an economist who was inspired to analyze the existing scientific literature when she became pregnant. But the fact emains that no amount of alcohol during pregnancy has been proven to be safe. In other words, there exists no clearly defined threshold at which experts can say alcohol consumption is safe, which is why most advise simply avoiding it altogether.

6. Drinking Ups Breast Cancer Risk
"The use of alcohol is clearly linked to an increased risk of developing breast cancer," the American Cancer Society warns -- and that risk increases with the more alcohol a woman consumes. For example, a woman who sips only one drink a day has a very small increase in overall risk, the ACS explains, whereas a woman who has up to five drinks a day has roughly one-and-a-half times the risk of a woman who doesn't drink at all. That said, drinking is hardly the only risk factor for the disease -- there are many others that contribute, including a woman's lifestyle and her genes.

7. Alcoholism May Be Deadlier In Women
A German study published last year concluded that alcohol dependence is twice as deadly for women as for men. The death rate for alcohol-dependent women was four times that of a sample of comparable, non-addicted, 18- to 64-year-old women, but only double for men. While the "why" is unclear, the research is in line with other studies suggesting the effect of alcohol on women is "particularly harsh," CASAColumbia's vice president and director of policy research and analysis told HuffPost.

About Hinduism

Hinduism, also known as Sanatana Dharma, is the religious tradition indigenous to the Indian subcontinent with about 950 million followers worldwide, making it the third largest religious system in the world. Hinduism differs from most religions in that there is no particular theological belief or set of doctrines that unites all its adherents. The goal of the Hindu path is moksha (literally, 'release'), understood to be liberation from samsara (repeated cycle of birth and death), and this is achieved by piercing the veil of maya (illusion). Some widespread Hindu philosophical concepts and practices are karma (cycle of cause and effect), dharma (religious duty or obligation), reincarnation and yoga. There is no one book that is considered sacred by all Hindus, but the Vedas, Upanishads, and the Bhagavad Gita are revered by most Hindus. Come back to this page often for news stories, blog posts, music, and scripture commentary.

Nine Beliefs of Hinduism

Our beliefs determine our thoughts and attitudes about life, which in turn direct our actions. By our actions, we create our destiny. Beliefs about sacred matters--God, soul and cosmos--are essential to one's approach to life. Hindus believe many diverse things, but there are a few bedrock concepts on which most Hindus concur. The following nine beliefs, though not exhaustive, offer a simple summary of Hindu spirituality.

1. Hindus believe in a one, all-pervasive Supreme Being who is both immanent and transcendent, both Creator and Unmanifest Reality.
2. Hindus believe in the divinity of the four Vedas, the world's most ancient scripture, and venerate the Agamas as equally revealed. These primordial hymns are God's word and the bedrock of Sanatana Dharma, the eternal religion.
3. Hindus believe that the universe undergoes endless cycles of creation, preservation and dissolution.
4. Hindus believe in karma, the law of cause and effect by which each individual creates his own destiny by his thoughts, words and deeds.
5. Hindus believe that the soul reincarnates, evolving through many births until all karmas have been resolved, and moksha, liberation from the cycle of rebirth, is attained. Not a single soul will be deprived of this destiny.
6. Hindus believe that divine beings exist in unseen worlds and that temple worship, rituals, sacraments and personal devotionals create a communion with these devas and Gods.
7. Hindus believe that an enlightened master, or satguru, is essential to know the Transcendent Absolute, as are personal discipline, good conduct, purification, pilgrimage, self-inquiry, meditation and surrender in God.
8. Hindus believe that all life is sacred, to be loved and revered, and therefore practice ahimsa, noninjury, in thought, word and deed.
9. Hindus believe that no religion teaches the only way to salvation above all others, but that all genuine paths are facets of God's Light, deserving tolerance and understanding.

Hinduism, the world's oldest religion, has no beginning--it precedes recorded history. It has no human founder. It is a mystical religion, leading the devotee to personally experience the Truth within, finally reaching the pinnacle of consciousness where man and God are one. Hinduism has four main denominations--Saivism, Shaktism, Vaishnavism and Smartism

About Buddhism

Buddhism is a religion and philosophy encompassing a variety of traditions, beliefs and practices, largely based on teachings attributed to Siddhartha Gautama, commonly known as the Buddha (“the awakened one”). Three major branches of Buddhism are recognized: Theravada, Mahayana and Vajrayana. Buddhist scriptures and texts exist in great variety, and unlike many religions, Buddhism has no single central text that is universally referred to by all traditions. The foundations of Buddhist tradition and practice are the Three Jewels: the Buddha, the Dharma (teachings) and the Sangha (the community). The Four Noble Truths, the first teachings of Gautama Buddha after attaining nirvana (state of mind free from suffering) are sometimes considered to contain the essence of the Buddha’s teachings. The Four Noble Truths emphasize that suffering (dukkha) exists, and that it arises from attachment to desires. Cessation of desire leads to freedom from suffering, and freedom from suffering is achieved by practicing the Noble Eightfold Path. The number of Buddhists is estimated at around 350 million making it the world’s fourth largest religion.
Siddhartha Gautama known as the Buddha, was born in the sixth century B.C. in what is now modern Nepal. His father, Suddhodana, was the ruler of the Sakya people and Siddhartha grew up living the extravagant life of a young prince. According to custom, he married at the young age of sixteen to a girl named Yasodhara. His father had ordered that he live a life of total seclusion, but one day Siddhartha ventured out into the world and was confronted with the reality of the inevitable suffering of life. The next day, at the age of twenty-nine, he left his kingdom and newborn son to lead an ascetic life and determine a way to relieve universal suffering.

For six years, Siddhartha submitted himself to rigorous ascetic practices, studying and following different methods of meditation with various religious teachers. But he was never fully satisfied. One day, however, he was offered a bowl of rice from a young girl and he accepted it. In that moment, he realised that physical austerities were not the means to achieve liberation. From then on, he encouraged people to follow a path of balance rather than extremism. He called this The Middle Way.

That night Siddhartha sat under the Bodhi tree, and meditated until dawn. He purified his mind of all defilements and attained enlightenment at the age of thirty-five, thus earning the title Buddha, or "Enlightened One". For the remainder of his eighty years, the Buddha preached the Dharma in an effort to help other sentient beings reach enlightenment.
Prince Siddhartha Gautama (also known as the Buddha) was the founder of Buddhism. He was born into the Kshatriya caste (the warrior rulers caste) in the middle of the 6th century BCE. The traditional date for his birth is 563 BCE, although some scholars have recently proposed placing the Buddha’s birth around 490 BCE. He was the son of king Suddhodana Gautama (a member of the Gautama clan of the Shakya tribe), the ruler of Kapilavastu, a kingdom that was located in present day southern Nepal.
Historical data about Siddhartha Gautama is very scarce. His place and date of birth along with his background is all that seems to be relatively certain: the rest is pure legend. From an historical perspective, however, the legend of prince Siddhartha is critical to understand the origins, development, and the key ideas of Buddhism. Hindu literature and a great part of the Eastern religion tradition would also be hard to understand without knowing the legend of the Buddha.
The legend of the Buddha
For twenty years, king Suddhodana and Queen Maya had no children. One night, Maya dreamt of a white elephant entering into her womb painlessly through her right side. The king gathered the ministers and astrologers to inquire about the meaning of the dream: the queen was pregnant. According to their custom, the queen returned to her parents’ home for the birth, and on her way, she gave birth painlessly to Siddhartha. Some Buddhist traditions claim the birth took place on the eighth day of April. Shortly after Siddhartha's birth, queen Maya died. and her young sister, Mahaprajapati, became the child’s foster mother.
The king was warned by his astrologers that two destinies were awaiting the young prince: he would either become an emperor or renounce the world for a great spiritual destiny. King Suddhodana had no interest in seeing his son and sole heir wander off into the forest in the pursuit of spiritual perfection. He ordered his ministers not to expose the boy to any form of tragedy or allow him to lack anything he desired. Prince Siddhartha remained, then, all the time inside the palace, away from any glimpse of misery and suffering, growing up unaware of the reality of the outside world.
Prince Siddhartha was a gifted child. He received the best education, he excelled in sports and physical exploits, he was the best archer. He had a quick, clear intellect combined with tenderness, and he showed both during an incident with Devadatta, his cousin. A bird was shot down by the arrow of Devadatta. Siddhartha took the bird with him, removed the arrow and looked after the bird until it recovered and became healthy. Devadatta was furious and took Siddhartha to the king, “I shot the bird, it belongs to me”, he explained. Siddhartha responds “To whom should any creature belong: to him who tries to kill it, or to him who saves its life?”
During the annual ploughing festival, Siddhartha was disturbed by the vision of the ceaseless toil of the bullocks and ploughmen and especially by the plight of the tiny creatures who were losing their homes and lives. He was now seven or eight years old and he had become aware of the transience of life. Questions entered into the young prince’s mind. Pleasures now seemed to him fragile and something not quite real enough to hold on to. Perhaps he began to think that life passes swiftly and leaves very little behind.
King Suddhodana was committed to one goal: nothing unpleasant should be allowed to enter Siddhartha’s vision. He was willing to do anything in order to distract his son and keep his mind occupied. This point was stressed so much by some versions of the legend that there are those who say Siddhartha was provided with a harem of eighty four thousand women on attaining manhood.
By the age of sixteen or nineteen, Siddhartha was told that a lovely cousin named Yashodhara will choose her husband from the princes and chieftains who vied for her hand in a contest of archery. Siddhartha showed up, full of confidence. One of the suitors hit the bull’s-eye. Siddhartha stepped forward boldly and with one shot split the rival’s arrow down the middle.
Yashodhara became a lovely wife and in time the couple had a son, Rahula. Siddhartha was now 29 but the questions of his youth were still in his head. Does life have a purpose?, Is there nothing more to hope for than a few friends, a loving family and some memories to savour before one goes?
Siddhartha managed to convince his father to agree to a day outside the walls of his states. The king made sure the city was ready: not a single poor, no one sick, no one unhappy was to be present along the prince’s route. Despite these efforts, the young prince caught sight of a decrepit old man, a diseased man, a dead man, and a monk.
Back in the palace, Siddartha’s mind was full of questions as never before. Is there nothing else in the future but decline and death? why all the suffering? What can be done against sorrow and frustration? He decided to leave the palace and to go forth from the life he knew, not to see his family again until he found a way to go beyond age and death. He travelled eastwards until dawn, he slipped the rings and ornaments of royalty form his body, and removed his robes and sandals.
Siddhartha wandered around and practised meditation with the best teachers he could find. With each lesson he learnt quickly, mastering their disciplines and matching their austerities. But he did not achieve the goal he sought. He wandered in the forest for six years, his body suffered all sorts of mortifications. He engaged in an extreme asceticism and austerity, he believed starvation could be the answer. Day by day he reduced his intake of food until he only ate one grain of rice a day. His body became so emaciated that he could reach into the cavern of his stomach and feel his spine. He attracted the attention of other seekers and a group of five ascetics became disciples of Siddhartha.
The health of Siddhartha became fragile. He did not feel well and he could not practise meditation as he used to. He felt this was not the way. On the banks of a river, he tried to think what could be wrong. His thoughts were interrupted by a musician who was teaching one of his students to play a stringed instrument. “if you wind the string too tight it will break and if you have the string too loose, there will be no music". On hearing these words, Siddhartha came to the realization of a new approach to life: the middle way. Luxury and material attachments are not the way. Self-mortification and extreme asceticism is not the way either.
Sujata, the daughter of a nearby house holder, offered food to Siddhartha. He accepted and slowly gained back his strength. He found a tranquil spot under a fig tree, he sats down, folded his legs, drew himself straight for meditation and took a solemn vow: “Come what may ― let my body rot, let my bone be reduced to ashes ― I will not get up from here until I have found the way beyond decay and death”. Siddhartha passed into deep meditation: his senses closed down and concentration flowed undisturbed by awareness of the outside world. The demons wanted to break the young prince, they tempted him, they attacked him. Siddhartha ignored them. The dark waters of councious closed over Siddhartha, he slipped into that profound stillness in which thought stops and the distinctions of a separate personality dissolves. He was now the Buddha “he who is awake” and he now understood the way to that realm of being which decay and death can never touch: nirvana.
He now went forth and taught others what he had learned. The place he chose was the Deer Park near the city of Varanasi on the Ganges. This event is traditionally the moment when the Buddha “set in motion the wheel of the law”. He explained the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path, the core teachings in Buddhism to a group of disciples.
The Buddha taught through conversations, lectures and parables. He claimed “ enlightenment”, but not divine inspiration. He did not pretend to be a god or that the gods were speaking through him. He walked from town to town, accompanied by his disciples. His teachings are purely ethical, he only cared about human conduct, nothing about ritual, worship, metaphysics or theology. He denounced the notion of sacrificing to the gods, and looked with horror upon the slaughter of animals for these rites. His message is to be kind to all creatures. He rejected all cult and worship of supernatural beings, all prayers and asceticism. Quietly, without controversy, he offered a religion absolutely free of dogma, pries-craft and superstition. He proclaimed a way of salvation open to infidels and believers alike.
After teaching for forty-five years, he died at the age of eighty. Some versions say his funeral pyre was self-ignited and the residue of his body was a heap of pearls. His final words were directed to his disciples “I address you; subject to decay are compound things: strive with earnestness”.
 

Over 40? 15 Tips To Easily Lose Inches and Look (and feel) Sexier Than Ever

Here are my simple tips for losing weight and keeping it off. They are all very simple tips. They all work for me, but everyone is different. I would honestly love to know what works for you!
I strongly prefer simple actionable tips, that work with what you enjoy. Nothing else will work long term.
Disclaimer: I have never read a weight loss book. I have absolutely no scientific knowledge.:
1. Weigh yourself every day. I keep an eye on my weight, by having the scales next to my shower. It may seem obsessive, but it helps me not to lose focus. My weight seems to fluctuate within a 2 kg range randomly. I don’t panic if it gets to the top of the range.
2. Water is the key. I don’t know why, but drinking water really helps me. The more water I drink, the better my body functions. (If you don’t like water, put a few drops of apple juice in the glass to give it some flavor.) And I don’t stop drinking before I weigh myself, because I would be kidding myself. Weight loss starts with honesty to yourself.
3. Avoid processed foods. The basic rule – all packaged, processed food is unhealthy. I avoid it, where possible. Not easy, but worth the effort. The interest of food companies is certainly NOT your health.
4. Avoid sugary drinks and fast food You know it. Don’t be fooled by low calorie or diet claims. These foods and drinks are only making you fat and miserable.
5. Get 7 hours of quality sleep. Staying healthy is about basics. Water and sleep are my basics. I make sure I get enough sleep. I aim for 7 hours minimum and 8 hours at the weekend. I also have a really good quality bed, to make sure I get quality sleep. I know a good bed is not cheap, but it is one of life’s bargains because quality of life is much higher if you get good sleep. And it helps my body function better. Strange but true.
6. Get off that couch. In my mind, losing weight is 33% about food, 33% about giving your body what it needs to function (rest, water, etc) and 33% about moving. TV is simply a waste of my time, especially if I am sitting on a couch and have chips to go with it. If I need the TV, I can go to a health club with exercise machines with a TV attached. But better still – avoid the TV and do some social sports. And I try to avoid late-night TV. It is wrong in so many ways.
7. Salad is important. I am not really fond of the taste of salad. But my body seems to like it. And the strange thing is, once I take a bite or 2 of salad, I find it difficult to stop eating it. I am convinced that it is a large part of losing weight, but I can’t explain why. It is a large part of every meal I eat.
8. Eat fish, vegetables and fruit where possible. You hear this regularly. And I believe it is true. Fish, vegetables and fruit make me feel healthier and more energetic, and I am told there is more nutrition and less calories.
9. Ignore scientific evidence… First red wine was the answer to a long life. Then red wine was not healthy and the guy who claimed it was discredited. Then … Frankly, I don’t care. I love a glass of red wine, yoghurt, honey, a cup of coffee, sultana’s, the occasional burger and chips, etc. Let them prove what they want, as long as they let me make up my own mind.
10. Enjoy one glass of alcoholic beverage. This is a hard one. I switched from beer to wine, and gradually cut back to 1.5 glasses on a night maximum, even in a social setting. Seems easy to do, but it wasn’t. But, like stop taking sugar coffee or tea, once you do it, it becomes completely natural. Cut back, and savor your glass of wine.
11. I don’t do guilt. No matter what I eat, I don’t do guilt. My life is too short for guilt. That doesn’t mean I don’t try to do better, and I try to avoid the same situation. But I don’t do guilt. Ever.
12. Set a maximum weight limit. My target weight is 78kg. I don’t panic until I get over 80kg. But if I get over 80kg, I am very hard on myself until I get under 80kg. The good news is that it usually only requires a week of control to get there, because I quickly recognize my weight has gone too high.
13. Don’t shop when you are hungry. This is a very old rule, but it works. I only buy what I need, rather than what I crave.
14. Don’t have unhealthy food in the house. I am not a person with great discipline, so I protect myself against myself. The less chips and biscuits I have in the house, the bigger the barrier to pigging out….
15. Make many small adjustments. When I started my weight loss program, I took many small steps. I used to drink coffee with full cream milk, and then I switched to skimmed milk. I cut cheese out of breakfast. Making small changes that reduce my calorie intake, but that do not sacrifice life pleasure, are a no-brainer. Be aware of where the calories are in your food and explore your options! You can probably reduce calorie intake 10% without any sacrifice or effort.
These are some great tips, but the reality is that you may want a little extra information to help you shed those few pounds. If you’ve tried shedding unwanted pounds in the past and failed, maybe this will help:

11-year-old Syrian Boy Has Only One Goal; Killing President Assad

He is 11-years-old, has an AK-47 and he wants to kill Syria’s president Bashar al-Assad.
Schoolboy Mohammed Afar, who lives in the northern Syrian city of Aleppo, is not much taller than the assault rifle he carries, along with live ammunition and a walkie-talkie.
He sports a jacket marked with the badges of the rebel Free Syrian Army (FSA) and he is a crack shot. And he has the country’s leader in his sights.
“I want to stay as a fighter until Bashar is killed,” he told vice.com.
“He is a great shot,” says his father, Mohammed Saleh Afar. “He is my little lion.”
During the civil war between the al-Assad regime and rebel FSA forces, Syria’s children have endured numerous abuses.
According to a Human Rights Watch report, some opposition groups fighting in Syria “are using children for combat and other military purposes,” reports vice.com.
“Even when children volunteer to fight, commanders have a responsibility to protect them by turning them away,” said children’s researcher, Priyanka Motaparthy, in the report.
“Children are easily influenced by older relatives and friends, but their participation in armed hostilities places them in grave danger of being killed, permanently disabled, or severely traumatised.”

Mohammed is respected by the older fighters around him, some of whom are only children themselves and call him a “good shot”. He demonstrates great skill with his rifle, calmly removing the gun’s magazine before reinserting it.
He says he admires the fighters from the local hard-line Islamic group, Jabhat al-Nusra.
“They [Jabhat al-Nusra] know Islam and Sharia. They know what it means to be a Muslim,” Mohammed says.
“When my father goes to the frontline, he takes me with him. He says to be careful and we find a safe place to shoot from.”
Mohammed’s father sees little wrong with his son’s participation.
“I put my trust in God,” he says.
The other members of the unit agree. The 11-year-old is kept safe, they claim, and never taken to front lines that are too dangerous.
“There are other boys fighting too,” Mohammed says. “Some, but not much.”

Naked Church Camp Counselor Touches 13 Year Old Boy With Penis; Church Calls It “Horseplay”

While I do admit it has been some time since I have played the role of camp counselor (at church camp or otherwise) unless I am horribly mistaken, touching a child with your penis is not one of the recommended “horseplay” activities. Nor for that matter, is it a recommended disciplinary action, although Attorney Allen Trapp, who is representing a church camp counselor and pastor’s son, Zachary Anderle, has stated that he believes it is. I could look back to the trainer’s manuals just to be sure, but in all honesty, I think I am safe here.
The Chattanooga Times Freepress reported that Vineyard Community Church Camp Counselor, Zachary Anderle, was charged with simple battery, two counts of third-degree cruelty to children and sexual assault, following an incident in which he climbed, naked, on top of a 13-year-old boy. Anderle placed his penis on top of the boy’s crotch, while a group of other boys were watching. He also slapped the boy in the face. Vineyard Community Church is located in Chattanooga, TN. The incident between Anderle and the boy took place at the Church’s Camp site, which it was hosting in Temple, GA.

As if the actions of Anderle were not bad enough, the church committee which has been appointed to investigate the event has stated that it believes the incident was simply a matter of “horseplay gone wrong.” While the church has removed Anderle from participating in church camp activities and has also barred him from participating in any activities that involve children, the statement clearly shows a desire on behalf of committee members to make the incident somehow appear more “acceptable.” Even though I think it’s clear that reasonable human beings do not engage in “horseplay” which involves putting their naked genitalia on the crotch of a thirteen year old child, apparently members of this church believe such things are “all in good fun.”

It gets better. Anderle’s attorney, Alan Trapp, explained that the act was just an attempt to discipline a 13-year-old boy at camp. According to the Chattanooga Freepress report, Trapp said:

“This boy was using a lot of unsavory, sexually charged language. Zach told him to stop repeatedly. When he wouldn’t, Zach told him, ‘If you do not stop, I will come down there and sleep with you naked,” Trapp also told reporters “and he actually jumped on him and all the other boys laughed and thought it was funny.”

Bud Winderweedle, a member of the “investigative committee” established by Vineyard Community Church to look into the incident, also told media:

the camp director attempted to apologize to the 13-year-old’s mother and offer counseling, but she did not respond.

Yes, they offered counseling… After a naked church camp counselor jumped on top of this woman’s son, touching him with his genitals, after he threatened to sleep with her child naked, and after he physically assaulted that child by slapping him in the face, they felt it was appropriate to approach this mother and offer additional counseling.
She went to the police instead. Good for her. The level of denial in this story is so deep and dark, that it’s almost like a bottomless pit. The more you try to peer into the minds of these people, the darker and more frightening it becomes. The excuses, the attempts at justification, the lengths to which these church members have gone to, to try to make this behavior seem OK, is just astonishing. Yes, it’s hard to admit that someone you know and maybe even like or consider a friend, is a pervert in every sense of the word. But when the denial is so extreme that it makes you believe that something like this was just “fun and games” or that it was “an attempt at discipline” it’s time to take another look at your own motivation. A child was harmed. There is no excuse for that. The harder you try to think of one, the more ignorant you sound.